January 2010
21 posts
It's the Hunger
I think I have a disorder. Everytime I ask people whats up or whats new, their response is: nothing. Nothing really is going on with anyone. And for me I always have something to say. And even that isnt enough for me. I have a disorder in which I feed off of drama. I need some sort of excitement, or some sort of sadness going on in my life all the time to feel satisfied. How could I just not feel...
Jolly Good Fellow
Its like Nate Berkus said, Its not the date. Its the memories, and we can think about them any day, we can be happy or sad any day.
Absinthe Party...
I havent blogged in a while, so here I am, blogging. I think that basically my everyday life is made up of moments in which I have high anxiety and feel stressed and inclined to indulge in drama, and then moments in which I feel completely sane (talking about Titanic, or walking the Brooklyn Bridge). Thank god for the sane moments. I really dont have much to say. I lost 6lbs this week. Im pretty...
Aftermath
For my follow up to my explosion, Im listening to Porcelain by Moby. And what I have to say to you is, have fun looking the way you do.
Get Out Of My Life
I think the healthiest thing to do, is to be by myself. To just go through each day by myself. Because I cant do this anymore, I cant. Have you ever had a friend who just broke up with their girlfriend/boyfriend and they say to you, “Im not entering another relationship for a long time, I dont have it in me.” Well I dont have it in me. Im all out. Out of whatever it takes to deal with...
Bent.
Ive got a bad feeling. It just doesnt feel right. Im worried about this upcoming semester and the years after. The sad part is I mean socially. But college is about the work. Maybe this is happening to me so that I regroup myself and focus on what is actually important. Its just tough because without a social life here in the city I go crazy. I have no one. And its hard being out here by yourself....
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing...
I could easily write in here with a sad song playing and pour my heart out. But I dont want to be in a depressing mood. I want to be in a good mood, just this day has kind of sucked. I hate fighting. But everything is a fight. Everything. I need to back off. I need to make a conscious decision to pull myself out of this for a while.
I used to feel special that I lived far away. Before you think...
“I’ve made mistakes in my life. I’ve let people take advantage of me,...”
– a friend
“Dont cry I’ll bring this home to you, If I can make this night light...”
– Minus the Bear
Trust Me.
I keep telling everyone Im so goddamned serious about losing weight. I feel that way. I must keep this feeling rolling. Rolling through February.March.April.May. & June. I want to lose 30lbs. I havent lost that much weight since 9th grade. But that was the beginning of Highschool. And now its the beginning of College. Anything is possible. I keep staring at the bathingsuits on the...
How long can this go on
So reading mel’s blog has been a journey. I feel like sometimes the text Im reading were magically transferred on her blog from my head. My crazy head. The voice no one hears. Thats what it is. What if we could actually hear the voice of others. If I could read his mind. Maybe I wouldnt turn into a psycho. Wondering what I should say or how I should act. People say you shouldnt change who...
One in a Million
So. I wrote this last night, “I really want to cry right now. I feel so sick. Physically and emotionally. Im having a fucking panic attack. Maybe god is doing this to me for that reason. Six hours. Six fucking hours. ” a little later I wrote, “People let me down.”
I was really freaking out. I was breathing fast and heavily. I felt like I was going to throw up. I had...
You're Wrong
Some things are just unacceptable. To me. To you. To everyone. And you know that. But you still walk all over me. And I cant afford this.
Crash
Tomorrow is going to be a bad day. I can feel it now. Im going to crash. Put a patch on today and Im already starting to feel a bit unstable emotionally. But I am going to the gym tomorrow, so meh exercise is good. Then theres tonight. haha. Then theres this song Im listening to. Maybe I should post it. Im not sure why I have to be so dramatic. People hear me rant about how I need a challenge....
I Believe...
Precious. You know sometimes I feel like I must look like her. I think that I just need to grow and learn that my life will not start when I find love. Its already here, and its wallowing as I just daydream about love. I can see stubborness in others, but you know, I must be pretty stubborn to not give up on someone who doesnt want me and he never will. Tomorrow should be interesting at the gym....
May it Be
Im already thinking of valentine’s day. But not on my own. Theyre playing trailers on tv for that valetine’s day film. And then I started thinking about how I need to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind around Valetine’s day. and probably Titanic or something. Last night I was kind of saying to my mom, I want a boyfriend. lol. I guess you cant really kind of say that....
I'm so addicted to...
blah. blah. blah. dont like to be messed with. however im not exactly in a bad mood right now. I cant be mad at that. That!