Aly Unscripted
Amen.

Amen.

People watch movies when they want to cry and when they want to laugh. People watch TV when they want to feel like they have those friends, like they work there, like that’s their life.

Nothing innovative.

Maybe I read because I’m in denial of my life. Some people escape, some resist. What do those that accept do? 

Does accepting what is make it go away? Everyone would disagree. Why does it feel so uncomfortable to just sit with our feelings? Why are we all doers? Why can’t we just feel our own happiness or sadness and embrace it without something or someone to distract us from it until it finds its way deep within us so we forget about it, yet still carry it around everyday. And unconsciously, with slight triggers we’re back on BuzzFeed and Netflix distracting ourselves from really paramount issues in our lives, that dominant our actions, feelings, and thoughts. I’m a ticking time bomb. Can’t we get rid of the bomb altogether? And does that happen through being present and working through it? 

Why did I grow up expecting external things and people to make me happy? Everyone seems so broken. Sure on a given day, you’re happy, maybe even for a few months, but everyone still carries so much pain. no one takes the liberty to fix it on their own. 

I dont know if I miss you because you mean something to me, or if you’re just my only human contact here. Maybe I’ll get stronger as time goes by. It certainly feels like I want to escape. I hate that I can’t talk to anyone about this. My actions certainly show I don’t care. But I don’t feel like he cares about me. What if this is all he has to give. Then it’s not enough for me. I’ve been there with Melissa. Melissa and I have fought. I cannot expect the world to cater to my emotional needs. I’m just insecure. 

Is this my pain body?

Was I due for this? Or do I have a point? The thing is: I don’t want him to suffer. I don’t like inflicting pain on anyone.

I’M SO SICK of the FIRST SIX MONTHS. THE FIRST YEAR. I’m Young. I’m not supposed to be this bored and unhappy until I’m 35. Do we just have too many differences? I can’t keep escaping this question forever. Distracting myself. Giving into the weakness of needing him to erase this bad pain. Feel this pain. 

Am I sabotaging it all? And why? Am I so sure life is better without him?

When I was single….I definitely had my needs. But there was something about working on myself, and searching for him, that got me excited enough to be patient. 

The irony is that I have no one to vent to. It’s him. 

Am I the key to my own freedom? When I leave I’ll feel self worth? 

Am I too willing to give it all up? My idea of love is too grand for any moment to be dull. Love is an addiction..It doesn’t feel like I can be free of good food, free of sex, and free of love. I just feel very upset.

Maybe I just need more than him. Maybe I should just cry until I can’t cry anymore. 

Maybe if we got married our fighting would at least fit the ticket and maybe even be novel. 

What if we don’t have to be perfect beings free of all alcohol and vices. No matter how much green juice or wheatgrass I drink, I can’t live forever. Why am I obsessed with it? Maybe because I’m so disgusted with the extreme part of it. 

This isn’t love. Everyone is so needy. You may act like you’re not, but you are. What people call love is so fake. It derives from our own neediness. How I feel right now is how i have been feeling. Like a child who just found out Santa Clause isn’t real. The presents still come, but it’s just your parents. Some may find magic in that. For me, the illusion being shattered still feels so upsetting. I can’t seem to get over it. I need to because whether I choose to like it or not, this is it. Maybe this is just the Titanic girl having a really hard time swallowing that no Jack Dawson exists. If he does, he only remains in JD mode for a few years before being just his simple self. Maybe this is just me, trying to give up two addictions at once and it’s not working because I need them so much. 

Maybe I’m just on the verge of getting my period. 

Ladies and Gentleman: round of applause of Alyson’s fucked up mind.

mrgoods:

Like Crazy (2011)

mrgoods:

Like Crazy (2011)

teachernsession:

You Are Infinite #lawofattraction

teachernsession:

You Are Infinite #lawofattraction

Leonardo DiCaprio embarrassing himself at the Coachella 2014

spacerangerpink:

how exactly did he not figure out that “Andy” was in love with him??